BED - I'm only cheating myself

BED a.k.a binge eating disorder, started for me the evening of my last bikini competition (April 2016). I was on a very low carb, restrictive diet for 16 weeks and ended up prepping myself for the last 4 weeks leading up to my competition - HUGE mistake. I was my own worst critique so I felt I wasn't lean enough to compete, therefore I slashed my already extremely low calorie consumption and added in an extra 30mins cardio EVERY DAY, taking it up to one hour each day, plus the 6 weight sessions I was already doing each week.

The competition was over before I even knew it and wanting to celebrate that with my family and friends should have been first on my mind, but it wasn't, food was. I ate absolutely everything that you could think of that same evening - until I physically could not move (no exaggeration). I thought this would calm down after a couple of days, once I realised that these foods were no longer off limits, but it continued, for months...

I discovered that I was actually very good at hiding this, sneaking all kinds of foods into the house, my room, without anyone knowing. I did this all the time in the hope that 'tomorrow is a new day, a a fresh start to stop this and get myself back into a healthy mindset and diet'. It didn't. The same thoughts snuck right back in the next day, and the day after etc.

I have felt so low about my body image that I have found myself in a permanently bad mood - I'm constantly critiquing, always on edge about it and it's on my mind a lot more than it should be. I started out with a new coach in September last year in the hopes that this wild give me a new found motivation and some guidance towards a healthy, balanced life again. This was by far a great session for me as I have something to aim for, a goal has been set and I know what I need to do in order to progress with this. However, and the reason behind this post, is that yesterday I did it again. I ate so much that my stomach was extremely uncomfortably bloated, I felt sick and could barely move -- and for what? I knew that I was doing well and yet this thought to eat that much still came over me and I did it. I felt so rubbish after and I'm writing this today because I am not just saying that today is the day to get it all back on track again, I know it is. I only cheated myself by doing that yesterday and I felt so awful about it because I have goals to achieve.

It's always going to be in the back of my mind, I think once you have been through BED, it really never goes but you just find ways to deal with it and not let it affect your life anymore. I absolutely do not plan on doing this again and I hope that anyone who also is silently going through this, does talk to someone about it and finds a way to get through it and takes control again.

the Christmas break

Being back at home has made me reminisce my time so far at Solent University. I have met people who I feel as though I have known years, not 3 short months. My initial idea of being a student included being drunk, still working to the best of my ability, and being broke a good 80% of the time. So far this has been reality. I can't wait to go back in the New Year and carry on where I left off - working harder than before, carrying on meeting new people, and having a great time with the people I have been fortunate enough to meet already.
Happy New Years everyone.

University life so far

Everybody said to me that University stories are the best stories; which I now believe to be true after only nearly two weeks into this mad experience.

I can now share that the nearest water fountain to my accommodation and I are not, and never will be, friends again after an incident on my first night out where I thought it was a brilliant idea to go sliding through it. Little did I know it would cost me days of walking and a four hour hospital trip!

Student loans are also extremely deceiving - you think as a student you have made it into the big-time, yet come a few days later and you are yet again scraping the barrel when it has to all be paid out towards your accommodation (as the loan doesn't even cover all of the payment!)

The students I have had the pleasure of meeting here so far have absolutely made my experience what it has been - amazing to say the least. We have had laughs, drunken heart to hearts, the best dancing you would have ever seen (Beyoncé eat your heart out) and numerous amounts of persuading each other to do shots. I believe, even after this short time, that I will be making friends for life here, which for me is a rare statement to make.

My friends on my course have also made this experience the best it could be so far, as we have had so many laughs while working at the same time. The vox-pops have been one of my best experiences as you find out much more about people than you even wanted to know (cue the guy who works at Primark vox-pop). I hope to gain much more confidance than I have done already, as I can only see it getting better from here, experience and achievement-wise.

what brought me to Solent

I took a keen interest in Solent University after visiting the open day and being informed of what the course has to offer students who are interested in the competitive media world, such as myself. 

Each student I met at the open day seemed thoroughly enthusiastic and enjoyed their life at Solent. Also the surroundings, such as the main town, appealed to me as there is a lively atmosphere and it is known as being a busy 'student town'.

There was a strong sense of optimism throughout the day and the lecturers I conversed with about my chosen course, Multimedia Journalism, were extremely informative and gave me a great insight into the different aspects I will be experiencing. 

I have been unsure as to what field of Journalism I want to direct myself towards career-wise, which is why I chose this course as it will give me experience in all areas so that I can find my specific area of expertise, also I can find out what I really enjoy doing most. 

In five years time I can envision myself journalistically writing about current affairs from a first-hand point of view at a widespread newspaper, or setting my sights on a job at a travel magazine which can commonly be found in travel agents looking to promote holiday destinations.